What to do in Wal-Mart

Ok... so I would never actually suggest that one dooooo these things, but they did make me laugh so hard that I started to tear. Read them all, some are better than others but they are in no specific order.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

What to do in Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals.
4. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
5. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
6. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
7. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
8. Put some M&M's on lay away.
9. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
11. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
12. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
13. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
14. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
15. Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
22. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
23. TP as much of the store as possible.
24. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
25. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
26. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
27. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone."
28. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
29. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'
30. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
31. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
32. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"
33. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
34. Go to the fitting room and yell real loud....."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!"
35. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
36. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
37. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
38. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
39. Two words: "Marco Polo."
40. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
41. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
42. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
43. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
44. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time i.e. those M&M's
45. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.