Wow, Ok so its Monday and I just got back to Hartford last night (I went to philly for the weekend). Philly was AWESOME!! Thank you especially to Jason and to Mike.
Anyway, thankfully there was no drama on Friday night when we were all parting but even before that Mike and I, although we agreed that we are just friends, ended up getting together and were acting kind of flirty all weekend. I am not saying that I minded but I am so confused - I dont know what to do/not do, how to act or what to think - if we are just friends we can NOT do that. I mean I love him I really do, but I really cant understand this Limbo quasi relatiosnhip nor do I want to deal with it. I mean is it that difficult to decide ? Either we are together or we are not? If we are not together, then there is not anything going on between us. I am not saying that the feelings have to simply evaporate - because I know that isnt possible! But I am saying that there is no way that I can keep going on doing stuff with him and acting like a couple when we are together and then saying that we aren't when we are apart. If we ARE together, then we are together ALL the time and there is noone else. I dont really see what the complications are. I mean I understand that it is college and we should be free and not tied down or too serious right now but this is so frustrating. My mind is simple when it comes to this. What is the problem? We deserve the happiness that we bring eachother. I know that there are times that are not great and all happy but that comes with any and all relationships - friendships, romances, and families- and not just some; each and every relationship has some rocky points - it is the process of working thru that, which makes the relationship amazing. Now, I am not blaming him but nor am I fully taking the blame for our current situation - I just with there was some consistancy of and some mutual understanding of our status.
Aaaaaaanywaaaay ... Camp was sooo exausting today. All of my kids were here today (thats 18 of them) and there were multiple instances that I was alone with ALL of them. Now there are supposed to be 3 counselors for each group, and understandably there are times when one of us has to go run an errand, bring a kid somwhere, find a director, etc. and so that leaves 2. BUT our groups 3rd counselor is more like an extra camper than a 3rd counselor - more trouble than she is worth. SO for example, today after my kids were done changing after swimming, i was outside helping 17 7&8 year-olds put on and tie their shoes - ALONE! I was PISSED. That is not right. Luckily, Melissa and Cari (the directors) told me that they are working of fixing my situation and I dont know what they are doing but anything to help would be nice, AND FAST!
OK well i am all chlorine-y, so I am going to shower...
peace and love,
Marilys
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