sooo ...

So, I hung out with Rob today. I felt kind of bad because I couldnt stop wishing Mike was there. I am so sorry Rob for my incessant talk about him and I and our inconsistant situation, and for not just enjoying our time. I mean for goodness sake - even our venture into Micheal's was because of Mike. Hemp is my new past time btw - and because of it my fingers are raw (its kind of gross and painful). But anyway sorry Rob. And Mike I miss you more than you can possibly imagine.

I dont know what to do about this sitch with the other girl and i dont know what to tell him. It hurts to think that he is hooking up with another girl or even that he'd consider it and let it happen if it started. I know we said we are open but i never realized its full meaning or potential until he brought her up. And then he goes and waves it in my face by changing it in Facebook - Ouch, that one hurt. I got a little notice about it - i was like niiiiice, geee thanks >:o urg. I dont know what is right or wrong, what i can or cant say or even how to act being in an open relationship. and whats worse is that right now it doesnt even feel like we are open just that we arent close and that we havent seen eachother. I just love him so much that I am so twisted around in these emotions that i dont know which way is up - and being a strong, independant woman i really dont appreciate this feeling. Oh well I'll see him on tuesday and I hope this is all sorted out - of course it wont be but maybe we can atleast talk about it, but then again, maybe its better if we dont talk about it while im there; i dont want to spoil our time together or waste it arguing or mad at eachother.

Que sera, sera. What ever will be, will be. Let destiny and fate and mother nature run their course. God will set a way . --- all these say the same thing, so if all differnt beliefs convey this message, it must be accurate. So i am going to follow it too!

Good night ^_^
Marilys ~ Lys